Lighthouse Thoughts

March 20, 2015

Adoptive Parenting

     Adoptive Parenting is different than parenting birth children. Most people who have not adopted don’t recognize the differences.  Fundamental differences include a child’s chronological age, his developmental age and the age of the family (how long the family has been together) nature versus nurture, and expectations versus realities.  Parenting adopted children, especially those with special needs or previously undiagnosed needs can produce crisis levels of stress for families who have no support system.
Why adoptive parents aren’t prepared
·         Prospective adoptive parents with limited experience are unable to comprehend the impact a child can have on a family.
·         Many adoptive parents are not prepared for their child’s needs.
·         Often adoptive parents cannot find help that they seek.
·         Medical professionals and therapists do not always understand the unique needs of adopted children.
·        New adoptive parents, especially first time parents, tend to over parent /try to rush changes. This may result in a child’s:  internalization of anger, resistance to attachment, or control issues.
·         They believe the mythology of adoption.
  

Successful adoptive families have boundaries that are open and permeable.  They often have a parenting philosophy that all children need care, love – a sense of personal altruism. Their approach to parenting is based on large amounts of guidance and nurturance rather than punishment.

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